Book Review: Big Magic-Creative Living Beyond Fear

bigmagicDo you have a creative idea simmering inside you that seems to keep getting pushed aside for whatever reason. Maybe it feels too much like play and not productive enough alongside all of the other things you need to get done. Maybe you feel like there was once a place for creativity in your life when you were younger but now that isn’t really practical – even though you used to love it. Maybe you feel like you aren’t quite good enough to pursue your chosen creative endeavor, like you should just leave it up to people who have decided to make a career out of it.

I’m telling you. Go pick up a copy of this book. Now.

In her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert clearly explains all of the reasons we self-sabotage and then beautifully but also in a no nonsense kind of way helps us to see why we should forget about all of that and pursue our creative dreams.

A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner—continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you—is a fine art, in and of itself.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

(Coach’s side note – Did you know getting lost in creative endeavors is also incredibly good for our health and wellness? It promotes the production of new neuron growth in our brain. It reduces stress. It can help prevent Alzheimer’s Disease. Often when we’re fully immersed in a creative project we can enter a state called flow which is not only really fun but so great for our brain.)

In her book Gilbert addresses the fact that art and anguish have often been seen as compatriots but argues that it doesn’t have to be that way. That it is possible and ideal to find joy in the creative process. That it is in fact the process and not necessarily the result that is the point. She also has some great ideas for those times when you’re feeling less than inspired and need a little help finding that spark.

This is a beautifully written, very inspiring, fun read.

So next time you can’t quite muster the motivation to go into the gym but you still want to do something good for yourself try pulling out your sketch pad or your guitar and lose yourself in a little creativity.

Be happy, be healthy, be well!


starting-4_1_17Interested in some inspiration and guidance in creating a beautiful vision for your life and goals to get you there? My next Crafting A Wellness Vision workshop starts in just a two weeks. Register now to be one of 20 women in this supportive, coach-led workshop. Each day you will spend 10-15 minutes completing exercises and journaling prompts that will guide you in the creation of an intentional vision for your health and happiness. Check out my workshop page to hear from past participants about the program.


 

Bridging The Political Divide One Blueberry Salsa Recipe At A Time

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I know that this is a health and wellness blog and my posts have been trending more towards the political lately. These days as I see so many people I love experiencing extreme amounts of stress and anger and frustration and fear that I have to believe the two are inextricably tied together.  It has been hard to think about much else lately. When I’m scrolling through my social media feed it almost seems a bit jarring to come across a post that doesn’t have to do with politics. Like, “Wait! Don’t you know what’s going on right now? Crazy cat videos are no longer important!”

We are all trying to navigate this new political climate in our own way. For me I’m trying to take at least one positive action a day for the world and also for my sanity and well-being.  I’ve also been trying hard to replace anger with curiosity. The question I’ve been mulling over a lot lately is how did we get to this place? How can we create a culture that invites conversation over argument when there seems to be such a huge gap between our beliefs?

I came across this Ted Talk last night that I thought was fascinating. If we really want to move forward as a nation I think it’s important that we take a closer look at our mindset. That we try to shift from the feelings of “we’ve got to beat them,” to “we’ve got to reach them.” Being angry can certainly fuel action, but it seldom convinces someone to see things from your point of view.

Now I fully admit to having lived my whole life on the left coast. I’m positive my way of looking at the world has been shaped by that. Most of the people I’m surrounded with have a similar world view as I do. But still I have a few aunts and uncles that I’m pretty sure have a very different take on things. I’m pretty sure their environment has shaped their views as well.  I know them to be good people who love their children. I have hobbies in common with them. We’ve known each other our whole lives. We’ve celebrated lots of holidays together over the years.

The idea of calling up these relatives and engaging in a political conversation is overwhelming. It makes my stomach clench. Just the thought of it makes my shoulders tense and my heart beat faster (Wow! Instant physical reaction even without the actual interaction). There are issues I feel so passionately about that I’m not sure at this moment in time I could rationally and calmly have a political conversation with them.  I can however imagine calling up my uncle and asking for that awesome blueberry salsa recipe that he made last time he was visiting. Maybe it’s not a conversation that will be world altering, but at least for me personally it’s a start. A reminder to both of us that there are real people that we know and love behind the political labels and party lines.

I’m not saying I think people should just get over it so that everyone will get along. I’m not saying we shouldn’t feel passionately about world issues or that we shouldn’t turn those feelings into phone calls and letters and emails and action. But there is a big difference between action and anger especially when it comes to our health and well-being. One empowers you and the other breaks you down. One reaches out and the other pushes away.

I have another aunt I love on the left side. She is very politically involved. She puts in long hours volunteering for her party. She is up to date on the issues. She reaches out to people to make sure their voices are heard. When we lost the election I was worried she would be hit hard. She had poured so much time and energy into the effort. I tentatively asked my cousin how her mom was doing. “Better than the rest of us!” I was so surprised by the answer. But now thinking about it I wonder if it’s because she is used to having these conversations. She is more aware that there are people out there with different ideas. I need to ask her about it, but I wonder if she like me is excited that even though we may not have the president we hoped for we now have a huge uprising of people who are getting involved, speaking out, learning about the issues.

Yes we can view it as a stressful, scary time. We can focus on the things that might happen (but haven’t yet). But when we do that we cause ourselves to essentially live in a reality we don’t like prematurely – think of me getting stressed out just by the thought of having a conversation with relatives that hasn’t even happened. When I imagine it happening the stress to my physical and mental health is the same whether or not that conversation takes place. I’m the only one who is negatively effected, not my uncle and aunt who don’t even know this is going on in my imagination!

So for my part I’m going to try my hardest to focus on the incredible and exciting positive response we’ve been seeing from people getting involved in the political process in a way that I’ve never known in my lifetime (thank you Mr. Trump!). I’m going to reach out to my friends and relatives on the other side and remember that they are good humans who have been shaped by their environment just like I have. Eventually I’m going to try to have some conversations with them through the lens of curiosity. I’m going to remember that one person doesn’t define a nation, that it’s all of us and our voices that do. I’m going to use mine!

Be happy, be health, be well.

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

Shaking Hands With Fear: Lessons From A Grandma At The Women’s March

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Yesterday I marched. Yesterday I joined with thousands of other women and men in my city and millions across our nation and the world to stand up in solidarity for love, compassion, equality, human decency.

I have never considered myself particularly political. I always vote. I’ve been to a few caucuses over the years. I follow the highlights of politics. Occasionally I’ve written an email. I’ve never marched in a rally before. But then again I’ve never known a time when I’ve felt so scared by the direction that our nation seems to be moving in. Now with two small children that I love more than I knew was possible it feels impossible and almost irresponsible to stop at just filling in a circle, dropping a ballot in the mail and hoping for the best. I was grateful for the march yesterday in part because it began to fill this aching in my heart that there must be more we can do!

In the morning getting ready I was nervous and excited and I will admit that I was scared. I was scared of being in such a large group of people. I was scared that people with different views might resort to violence. I kept dropping things as I was making breakfast. I didn’t really know what to expect. After much deliberation my husband and I decided to leave the kids at home with him and I made plans to meet up with a few girlfriends. My five year old helped me color my sign. It felt like I was getting ready for some kind of strange festival with a serious and important message.

I met up with my friend Amanda and we carpooled to her church. Her congregation was walking together from there downtown to the start of the march. Her minister started us off with a blessing and a prayer that included a few moments of levity (“may the lines at the outhouses be short.”) which was just what I needed. I started to breathe again. Older women were handing out pink pussy cat hats. Camaraderie was building.

As we walked to the start of the march my spirits began to lift. I saw friends in the crowd that I knew and hundreds of people that I knew were friends I hadn’t met yet. We waited for the march to begin. All around us a sea of mothers, grandmothers, aunts, daughters, fathers and sons began to build. Thousands upon thousands of people – standing in the heart of it all we had no idea how many. There was laughter and stories and signs. Oh the signs! Some serious, some hilarious but so creative and personal. I wanted to read every one!

And then I felt a little shift in the joyous energy around me. I turned to look around. A young man was inching his way through the crowd. In a sea of pink he stood out not only because of his red and black clothes but because he was wearing a full black face mask that covered his entire face. All of a sudden I felt afraid. All of the fears from early in the morning came flooding back. He stood just a few inches in front of me and I studied him in case I had to tell authorities about him later. I noticed another woman taking a picture of him. He had a backpack on (you can only imagine what went through my head about what might be in it) with the name ROE written on it in black sharpie. The hair at the base of his neck where a little showed under his hat was dyed green. All of my fear heightened senses took these details in. We were packed so close in the middle of thousands. There would be no where to go.

I was scared. I was scared and paralyzed. I was hyper aware of him and I could feel everyone else around me was too.  And then a short, beautiful, open-faced grandma stepped out in front of him. She said in a firm but also somehow kind voice “What ya got under the mask son?” He didn’t say anything but he pulled the mask down and looked her square in the eye. She looked back.  “Glad to have you here with us today.” She said and reached out and shook his hand. He moved off through the crowd.

And that for me was the greatest moment of an incredible day. A grandma brave and kind. Unafraid to look at what we all feared straight in the eye. To really look and not just in a way that was critical and judgmental but curious and kind. To reach out and shake his hand. And I as a witness was changed in that moment. It was a simple gesture, over in a moment but a powerful example to me of why it was that we all came together that day.

After that we marched! We sang. We chanted. We gave high fives and hugs. That night we uploaded and shared our pictures and our stories. We read articles of other marches across the nation. We stood in awe of what we had done and what it looks like when we come together. We stood in awe of how it feels when we look our fears straight in the eye.

You know what blows me away? My story is just one of millions. I would love to hear yours.

Be happy, be healthy, be well.

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Making Peace With Missing Out

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I think one of the most common struggles when it comes to taking care of our health and well-being is the feeling that there is not enough time in the day. It’s so true that we all have the same 24 hours. How is it that we are are supposed to do our work, spend time with our family and friends, take care of household chores, exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, manage our stress, AND find time to do things that fuel our souls and make us feel alive and inspired. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and like we’re being charged with an impossible task!

We want to be good parents, good children, good employees, good friends, good people. We want to make sure we are meeting everyone’s needs. We want to say yes when people ask us to do things.  How do we do it all and still meet our own needs? Have you ever noticed that taking care of ourselves is often the first thing that falls to the wayside when we are stressed and busy?

Here is the thing. There will always be more. There will always be more things vying for your attention, wanting your help, asking for your time, your money, your energy. It’s a big world out there!  As incredible as it would be to be an inexhaustible resource to every person, every cause, every job opportunity it’s just not possible. We need time to rest, recharge, replenish, reflect. It’s critical. The other choice is to become run down, exhausted, broke, stressed, burnt out.

If you are looking for another way here is what I would suggest.

Make peace with missing out.

Here’s how. Take some time to sit down and think about what things in your life that are really important to you. Don’t make that list too long – maybe just 3 or 4 things. Write them down. Read them every day. Think about them. Talk to people you love about them. Then ask yourself every time you are faced with an opportunity or asked to do something, “how does this serve my list?” Get really really clear on how your decisions are serving your top priorities in life.

In a recent blog post I wrote that we make about 35,000 choices every day. Imagine what our lives would feel like if the majority of those decisions moved us in a direction closer to being in alignment with those 3 or 4 things that are most important to us.

When I was a newish mom I used to subscribe to an email list that would send me a weekly email with all of the events going on around town for kids. I wanted to make sure that I was being a super mom so I’d write everything down on our calendar and try to take the kids to as many as possible. I’d feel a little stressed if we were running late or if the kids were dragging their feet to get somewhere. If we missed an event that I had on the calendar I’d feel downright disappointed and frustrated. Like I failed that day.

Right at the top of my list of things that are important to me is Family – so I did some thinking about what that really means for me. For me that means connection, that means time together, that means laughter and mealtime conversations. It does not mean me using my scary mom voice to force all of us to get into the car and rush to some event around town that the kids really don’t care about anyway.

I’ve unsubscribed to that email list. I know where the website is when I need it. These days I’m getting better at making peace with missing out.

So how exactly do you say no?

When I was younger I was a serial people pleaser. I thought that was the best way to get people to like me. I thought saying yes to everything that came my way was the best way of saying yes to the universe. I tried to be open to every opportunity, every exciting new thing, every request for my time and energy. Being open is good right? So why was I feeling so frazzled and overwhelmed?

Then one weekend I was at a weekend-long meditation retreat. The teacher was an older woman. She was so peaceful and calm. Something about just being close to her made you feel more relaxed. One meditation was particularly emotional for me. Afterwards she came and sat next to me. She asked me what was going on and I told her I just felt totally stretched thin and like I was letting people down around me because I couldn’t do it all and do it well. She just rested her hand on my back and said, “You know Brooke, it’s okay to say no to people.”

I don’t think anyone up to that point had ever really told me that.

I want to share a little trick with you that I recently heard on a podcast that for me as a recovering people pleaser has been great. It’s these six little words.

“Let me get back to you.”

When you are face to face with someone who is asking you to do something it can be really hard to say no.  In that moment you might not know if it resonates with your most important things or not. You may need some time to process the request. When that happens you just use these six magic words! They give you time to think about it without closing the door but also without committing. They buy you time to figure it out and make a thoughtful decision. Ultimately if it’s not the right fit for you, it might not feel like it but you will be doing everyone a favor by saying no.

I still sometimes struggle with saying no to people, but I do it a lot more frequently these days because even though I worried for a long time that by saying no I would be restricting my life and missing out on things what I’ve found has been just the opposite. Instead I’ve opened up space and time and resources for the things that really matter to me most. I have more quality time with my family. I find I have more time for taking care of my health and well-being.   If anything my life feels more expansive.

I’d love to hear if there have been times in your life when you’ve been really happy you’ve said no to something. Are there times you wish you would have said yes?

Be happy, be healthy, be well!

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One Foot In Front Of The Other – How To Know When You’re On The Right Path

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I’m going to tell you right from the get go that the title of this post is a little bit misleading because here’s the thing. I don’t believe there is a right path. There is a right direction, there is a grand and inspiring and enlightened and vibrant place that you are moving towards but there is no one “right” way to get there. We make about 35,000 choices EVERY DAY! How would it be possible to get every single one of those “right”?

I like to think of it like this. Whatever it is that you are looking for in order to be happy, in order to be fulfilled, in order to be the best version of yourself in this lifetime – it is out there. It is out there like one amazing awe inspiring view. For me that would be the mountains filled with alpenglow but for you that might be the ocean or big sky country or a sparkling city vista at night. We’re not born seeing the view – we may have a sense that it’s out there and a general idea of the direction but there is never a straight direct path with blinking neon lights saying “GO THIS WAY”.

Instead there are subtle signs. Gentle nudges. We can’t always see them, we FEEL them.  We start out in the trees and have to find our way through. It’s easy to get turned around, or distracted and even completely lost at times. Like any good life wanderer the more we pay attention, the more signs we come across pointing us in the right direction.

Every “wrong” choice can be a gift too if we are paying attention. It becomes one of those things that nudges us back to moving in the right direction.

In my early 20’s I moved to a magical little mountain town where I ended up meeting my husband Mike. It was one of my first “real life” experiences after college. This little town is full of amazing, self-reliant people. People who grow glorious gardens. People who know how to cook and bake and can their own food. Potlucks – which happen frequently – are an amazing site to behold. These are people who know how to knit and fix things. They are people who have spent extensive time hiking in really remote parts of the mountains. Strong, kind, community focused kind of people.

When I first started meeting people in the community I felt a little like they were beautiful, magical creatures. Amazing and fascinating but not quite real.

Every other week Mike and I would make the hour long drive to the nearest town with a big grocery store and we’d load up our shopping cart with Rice-A-Roni and boxed mac and cheese (sometimes we’d throw in a can of tuna or some frozen veggies to make it “healthy”). We thought that was pretty normal but after living in this town for awhile it became apparent pretty quickly that the locals had a very different way of approaching food.

I remember distinctly one pivotal night for me. We went to have dinner with some new friends on their organic farm. Walking through bamboo groves and into the house they had built themselves 30 years ago felt somehow like coming home. On top of the burning wood stove was a cast iron pot of something that smelled delicious. Exposed wooden beams and comfy couches made up the living room.

When we sat down to dinner there were candles on the table. The beef stew that Anne had made was made up of only things that she had grown on the farm and beef from a neighbor that raises cattle. It was very clear that this was not a special occasion type meal – that this was a way of life (I doubt very seriously that there is Rice-A-Roni lurking in any of their pantry cabinets).

When we left their house that night my heart felt filled up to overflowing while simultaneously desperately aching for more. Do you know the feeling I’m talking about? That my friends is a sign you are moving in the right direction!

But you have to act on it! Otherwise it becomes one of those happy/sad memories. The kind that make you feel nostalgic and like you may have missed out on something more.

For awhile Mike and I continued on with our regular shopping habits because they were familiar and easy and normal to us – but now on the drive home I would feel disgruntled and grumpy. That unsettled feeling was a clear a sign that I was supposed to be moving in a different direction.  It took me awhile to tune into what was going on, but finally I decided to stop wanting to be like those magical people and try to start living like them.

Maybe it will sound silly to you, but the first time I walked into the local food coop I was completely nervous. I felt like there was billboard above my head walking around with me that said, “This is the girl who mostly eats ramen noodles!” I didn’t know what all of the vegetables were, I didn’t know what half of the things in the bulk section were. The people who worked there were friendly, but I was shy to ask questions. After I bought our groceries that week I felt a little out of my element, but also exhilarated. It was a start. I could catch a glimpse of the mountain view through the trees.

The key is to pay attention. To look up from time to time and ask yourself what’s really important. To take the time to catch a glimpse of the view through the trees so you know generally which way to go. You are already on the right path. Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing more than you do right now. You are right where you are supposed to be. And although it might be a little scary, if you take the time to notice what makes you feel unsettled or unhappy you can change your path and walk towards something bigger and more beautiful. Towards the life that’s right for you.

Be happy, be healthy, be well.

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